This page has been automatically translated for humans
Impacted earwax photo

Impacted Earwax

After popular demand, our luscious human earwax is now available in convenient ‘on the go’ form!

Harvested from humans fed on a strict diet of Tinned Fear, these best-selling Impacted Earwax Bars are mouth-watering and magnificent value at only £1 each.

£1

Free UK delivery on orders over £50 - Delivery and returns information

All profits go to the Ministry of Stories, a creative writing charity for humans

Notes for Humans:

Delicious Clotted Cream Fudge (50g).

Ingredients

Sugar, Glucose syrup, Sweetened condensed milk, Refined vegetable oil, Clotted cream 4%, Butter, Emulsifier: soya lecithin, Humectant: glycerine, Salt.

‘Absolutely delicious. Sticks to your ribs.’

-Richard C, Troll

More from the complete range

A Story You Never Tasted Before photo
A Story You Never Tasted Before

£5

a vague sense of unease front image
A Vague Sense of Unease

£8

Alarm photo
Alarm

£8

Bah! Humbug letterpress card photo
Bah! Humbug Letterpress Card

£3

Bah! Humbugs front photo
Bah! Humbugs

£4

Banshee balls front photo
Banshee Balls

£4

Other monsters also bought

Cubed Earwax Photo
Cubed Earwax

£5

Free UK delivery on all orders over £50
 
 

Delivery information

We currently deliver to UK destinations only, via 2nd class Royal Mail or Parcel Force 48 Hours service.

Postage and packing costs:

  • - £3.50 for orders of up to £25,
  • - £7 for orders £25 - £50
  • - Free for any order over £50.

This charge helps cover our costs and ensures your purchases support writing workshops for young people at the Ministry of Stories.

Our team of zombie volunteers aims to fulfil orders twice a week and on the outside you can expect delivery within 12 working days of order confirmation, but usually sooner. Unless something truly hideous happens, in which case delays of several centuries are not unlikely.

Returns information

You can return products if:

- You decide within seven days the product isn’t for you. You’ll receive a full refund, including delivery charge, processed within 30 days of return of the unwanted goods. Please send this with the original returns form supplied with your order, emailing us at info@monstersupplies.org to let us know it is on the way. Please look after the product when you have it! Do not burn it, eat it, sit on it, drown it, or in any way cause it harm. We might need to ask for compensation otherwise.

- You don’t agree to a change in our terms and conditions or other policies, or you think the product is faulty. You will need to return the product with its original returns form. We’ll check the product upon receipt and email you regarding your refund. We’ll process it as soon as monstrously possible – definitely within 30 days of us emailing to confirm a refund. You’ll receive the full price of the product and delivery, plus any costs for sending it to us.

Please check the dispatch confirmation to find out more about your statutory right of cancellation. Returning a product doesn’t affect your other statutory rights as a consumer. Nor as a monster.

We try to use the same method to pay you as you used to pay us.

 
ministry of stories

Hoxton Street Monster Supplies is run under license from the Ministry of Stories, a volunteering organisation which helps young people with all manner of writing, through free one-to-one mentoring and writing workshops.

You have already taken the first step to discovering our whereabouts. Jolly good work! Now, take the next step...