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Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves
Range of Human Preserves

Range of Human Preserves

The entire range of Hoxton Street Monster Supplies' famous human preserves: Guts and Garlic Chutney (preserved the day of spilling); Olde Fashioned Brain Jam (delicious spread thickly on severed limbs); Organ Marmalade (We only use the freshest organs); and Thickest Human Snot (free-range snivelling humans fed on a diet of milk and misery).

£25

Curses, we've sold out of this product.
Our zombie helpers have ordered some more so check back soon.

Free UK delivery on orders over £85 - Delivery and returns information

All profits go to the Ministry of Stories, a creative writing charity for humans

Notes for Humans:

Sun-dried Tomato Chutney (280g); Raspberry Jam (250g); English Breakfast Marmalade (250g); Lemon Curd (230g)

For ingredients, please visit pages of the individual preserves

‘These tasty human preserves make any meal - from breakfast to dinner - terrifyingly fantastic. My favourite is the Organ Marmalade. It makes any toasted frog absolutely spell-tacular.’

-Sara Spellbound The Witch, Trix Island

More from the Edibles range

Salt Made from Tears of Home Schooling
Salt Made from Tears of Home Schooling

£10

Salt Made from Tears of Hope
Salt Made from Tears of Hope

£10

laughter salt photo
Salt Made from Tears of Laughter

£10

sorrow salt photo
Sold Out
Salt Made from Tears of Sorrow

£10

envy salt photo
Salt Made of Tears of Envy

£10

Seasonal Bogies
Sold Out
Seasonal Bogies

£4

Other monsters also bought

Organ Marmalade
Organ Marmalade

£7

Olde Fashioned Brain Jam
Olde Fashioned Brain Jam

£7

Guts and Garlic Chutney main image
Guts & Garlic Chutney

£7

Thickest Human Snot Sold Out
Thickest Human Snot

£7

Free UK delivery on all orders over £85
 
 

Delivery information

We currently deliver to UK destinations only, via 2nd class Royal Mail or Parcel Force 48 Hours service.

Postage and packing costs:

  • - £3.50 for orders of up to £25,
  • - £7 for orders £25 - £50
  • - Free for any order over £50.

This charge helps cover our costs and ensures your purchases support writing workshops for young people at the Ministry of Stories.

Our team of zombie volunteers aims to fulfil orders twice a week and on the outside you can expect delivery within 12 working days of order confirmation, but usually sooner. Unless something truly hideous happens, in which case delays of several centuries are not unlikely.

Returns information

You can return products if:

- You decide within seven days the product isn’t for you. You’ll receive a full refund, including delivery charge, processed within 30 days of return of the unwanted goods. Please send this with the original returns form supplied with your order, emailing us at shop@ministryofstories.org to let us know it is on the way. Please look after the product when you have it! Do not burn it, eat it, sit on it, drown it, or in any way cause it harm. We might need to ask for compensation otherwise.

- You don’t agree to a change in our terms and conditions or other policies, or you think the product is faulty. You will need to return the product with its original returns form. We’ll check the product upon receipt and email you regarding your refund. We’ll process it as soon as monstrously possible – definitely within 30 days of us emailing to confirm a refund. You’ll receive the full price of the product and delivery, plus any costs for sending it to us.

Please check the dispatch confirmation to find out more about your statutory right of cancellation. Returning a product doesn’t affect your other statutory rights as a consumer. Nor as a monster.

We try to use the same method to pay you as you used to pay us.

 
ministry of stories

Hoxton Street Monster Supplies is run under license from the Ministry of Stories, a volunteering organisation which helps young people with all manner of writing, through free one-to-one mentoring and writing workshops.

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