Range of Human Preserves

The entire range of Hoxton Street Monster Supplies' famous human preserves: Guts and Garlic Chutney (preserved the day of spilling); Olde Fashioned Brain Jam (delicious spread thickly on severed limbs); Organ Marmalade (We only use the freshest organs); and Thickest Human Snot (free-range snivelling humans fed on a diet of milk and misery).

£25

Free UK delivery on orders over £85 - Delivery and returns information

All profits go to the Ministry of Stories, a creative writing charity for humans

Notes for Humans:

Sun-dried Tomato Chutney (280g); Raspberry Jam (250g); English Breakfast Marmalade (250g); Lemon Curd (230g)

For ingredients, please visit pages of the individual preserves

‘These tasty human preserves make any meal - from breakfast to dinner - terrifyingly fantastic. My favourite is the Organ Marmalade. It makes any toasted frog absolutely spell-tacular.’

-Sara Spellbound The Witch, Trix Island

More from the complete range

Skull Scissors

£12

Word Certificate

£10

Skull Brush

£12

Range of Human Preserves

£25

Fairy Dust

£2.50

Instant Human Mug with Werewolf Biscuits

£16

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Delivery information

We currently deliver to UK destinations via 2nd Class Royal Mail or using our UPS courier service for heavy or large parcels.

If you wish us to ship internationally, please click on our 'Shipping Overseas' tab on the home page and make use our international portal, Trouva.

Postage and packing costs:

- £5.00 for orders of up to £25

- £9.00 for orders £25 - £85

- Free for any UK order over £85

This charge helps cover our straw, box and cockroach costs and ensures more of your purchase can support writing workshops for young people at the Ministry of Stories.

Our team of zombie volunteers aims to fulfil orders twice a week and on the outside you can expect delivery within 12 working days of order confirmation, but usually sooner. Unless something truly hideous happens, in which case delays of several centuries are not unlikely.

Returns information

You can return products if:

- You decide within seven days the product isn’t for you. You’ll receive a full refund, including delivery charge, processed within 30 days of return of the unwanted goods. Please send this with the original returns form supplied with your order, emailing us at info@monstersupplies.org to let us know it is on the way. Please look after the product when you have it! Do not burn it, eat it, sit on it, drown it, or in any way cause it harm. We might need to ask for compensation otherwise.

- You don’t agree to a change in our terms and conditions or other policies, or you think the product is faulty. You will need to return the product with its original returns form. We’ll check the product upon receipt and email you regarding your refund. We’ll process it as soon as monstrously possible – definitely within 30 days of us emailing to confirm a refund. You’ll receive the full price of the product and delivery, plus any costs for sending it to us.

Please check the dispatch confirmation to find out more about your statutory right of cancellation. Returning a product doesn’t affect your other statutory rights as a consumer. Nor as a monster.

We try to use the same method to pay you as you used to pay us.