Today we hear again from our sorting office team who have kept our groundbreaking monster-human letter exchange ticking along since the monster postal service became visible to humans on the shop's 200th birthday in 2018.
Hello from Hoxton Street Monster Supplies’ Post Mortem Postal Service!
It is from a cupboard here at Ministry of Stories, right behind Hoxton Street Monster Supplies, where week after week, month after month, we postal gremlins sort letters sent to us from your coffins, castles, caverns and lairs and ship them off to humans of all sizes, shapes and ages. And where we sort letters sent to us from humans (all sizes, shapes, ages…) and ship them off to your coffins, castles, caverns and lairs.
And now, we write to you from our very own Cupboard Bubble.
When we were told to make a BUBBLE we scratched our heads and thought it was probably developing a new product for the shop, like a garbage bog bubble bath range for discerning ogres, or a fireproof bubble gum for younger dragons who can’t yet control their fire.
But it was nothing of the sort.
The Post Monster General told us we had to lockdown, stay put, stick in the cupboard and continue sorting the mail.
No change there we thought as we swung around the light fittings and played hide and seek in the filing cabinets.
But then it all got SOOOOOOOO quiet.
The days and weeks became a blur.
We sorted the envelopes backwards, forwards and upside down but then discovered throwing them up in the air was as good a way as any to sort them out.
We tested the stickiness of the stamps on our noses, walls and carpet.
After a very thorough washing of hands we decided THAT was not a good idea.
Instead we brewed cups of monster shop tea and sent off letters to our monster customers explaining there was a temporary pause in the letters from humans. We hope you received that.
We added a small treat from the Escalating Panic Sweet tin for good measure.
Overall, it’s been fine here in our bubble, we have spent our time learning how to read hieroglyphics, made a forklift truck out of a box of impacted earwax, ran a marathon in the broom cupboard and counted how many individual words were in all the hundreds of letters we’ve received from curious children all over the world.
We then promptly forgot the answer.
As the Post Monster constantly tells us, ALWAYS WRITE IT DOWN.
So, looking forward to more familiar days when through the cupboard we can hear chattering children, chairs scrapping and pencils scribbling … in the meantime we are popping the kettle on again and working out how to a swim part of a triathlon in the kitchen sink.
You’ll hear from us when we’re ready to sort your letters again. Which we hope is sooner than later. Bye for now.
-- The office Gremlins